Thought Buffet

Desiderata (Desired Things)

I came across this beautiful poetry prose over a year ago in Manila, while unenthusiastically browsing through the over-crowded aisles of National Bookstore. Despite the back-to-school-shopping chaos around me, and the ear-splitting noise that caused a skull-splitting headache, this inspiring piece captivated my attention easily. Of course considering the aforementioned setting, the first line alone sort of had me at "hello." Yet I cannot tell you the emotion it was able to evoke in me (goodgracious, can I get any mushier than this), as I perused and absorbed its well-expressed messages, from one meaningful verse to another.

Written sometime in the 1920's by Maxx Ehrmann, a lawyer from Indiana, Desiderata (a latin word in plural form which means desired things) contains the most finely tuned advice about attaining happiness in life.

The following is the complete version of Desiderata. Please enjoy!

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy!

2008 Miss Universe Show (Watch it!)

I can hardly contain myself as I sit here just thinking (and blogging, of course) about the arrival of my favorite yearly show of all time. Broadcasting live via satellite from Vietnam, the 57th Miss Universe will commence tonight at exactly 8 pm central time.

Like usual, I have already gone through the process (a self-imposed homework) of picking out my personal favorites out of the 80 lovely delegates from the different participating countries. This time, however, due to obvious lack of time, I have no choice but be very brief in my assessment about the winning qualities of my favorites.

In ramdom order, here are my chosen beauty queens:

Miss Venezuela: Dayana Mendoza (22 y - 5' 10") -> She's my numero uno. She has the X-Factor. With a gorgeous face and magnetic personality, she is a force to be reckoned with. I hope she does well in the Question & Answer portion.

Miss Finland: Satu Tuomisto (22 y - 5' 9") -> This girl's got the funniest mannerism I have ever seen in a beauty queen, particularly when she's talking.

Miss Puerto Rico: Ingrid Rivera (24 y - 5' 9") -> I'm pretty sure she'll be one of the top finalists.

Miss Brazil: Natalia Anderle (23 y - 5" 8") -> Lovely face and body.

Miss Canada: Samantha Tajik (24 y - 5" 10") -> Tall and sexy!

Miss Mexico: Elisa Najera (21 y - 6' 0") -> Though the tallest among my picks, I don't think she has what it takes to win the crown.

Miss Ghana: Yvette Nsiah (21 y - 5' 7") -> My favorite among the black lovelies. She is very pretty in the face and seems a whole lot smarter than most of my top favorites. I just don't think she'll make it to the semi-finals, though.

Miss Czech Republic: Eliska Buckova (18 y - 5' 9") -> Young and pretty.

Miss Poland: Barbara Tatara (24 y - 5' 9") -> Another pretty, and sexy.

Miss Egypt: Yara Naoum (20 y - 5' 9") -> A beautiful punk and a bit of brains to match.

Miss Indonesia: Putri Raemawasti (21 y - 5' 7") -> My favorite among the asian contenders. She just seems very friendly and humble.

Miss Philippines: Jennifer Barrientos (22 - 5' 8") -> What can I say? She's from the Philippines; of course she has my support!

Miss Australia: Laura Dundovic (21 y - 5" 11") -> I like her wholesome personality.

Miss India: Simran Kaur Mundi (21 y - 5' 9") -> A pretty face, she will do well in this competition. But her proud personality is such a turn off.

Miss Colombia: Taliana Vargas (20 y - 5' 11") -> This girl's so lovely! One of my top 5, if the actual judging decision was up to me.

Miss France: Laura Tanguy (22 y - 5' 8") -> I just don't understand why France hardly ever make it to the finals, man.

Miss USA: Crystle Stewart (26 - 5' 9") -> I admit, she wasn't really my pick to win the Miss USA title but hey, she took it home. What more can I say?

Miss Bolivia: Kate David (21 y - 5' 7") -> She isn't really as pretty as her counterpart from last year but her stage presence is hard to ignore.

Miss Ireland: Lynn Kelly (20 y - 5' 8") -> She is pretty, cute, and funny.

Miss Panama: Carolina Dementiev Justavino (19 y - 5' 9") -> She's my 2nd personal favorite, right next to Miss Venezuela.

Miss Vietnam: Lam Thuy Nguyen (20 y - 5' 7") -> Since Vietnam is the host country this year, I'm sure she'll be one of the 15 semi-finalists. Common courtesy dictates it.

Well, that's all of them; my top picks for this year's MU competition. I am keeping my fingers crossed that at least a few of them will make the semi-final cut, most especially; Miss Venezuela, Miss Panama, Miss Colombia, and Miss Finland. 

So good luck to all the MU contestants!

The Voices Told Me

On the eve of my birthday, the voices in my head told me to blog about myself. So set back and enjoy the finished product from that lively conversation with a cup of your favorite beverage. Don't worry peeps, the voices said you're allowed to take bathroom breaks should the need to alleviate yourself arises (hahaha).

1. Physically, I am horizontally propertioned and vertically challenged. Yup, I could use a few more inches, lengthwise.

2. I am a tough cookie except when it comes to worms, roaches, and mice.

3. I am not quick-witted. "Vut ai aain't no dumie, boi!"

4. This isn't to brag or anything but I can run fast or engage in any game of sport in my 3" - 5" heels or stilettos (just one of my many worthless skills).

5. I like to consider myself a very good listener.

6. I have difficulty reading abbreviated text messages. And, I'm slow as a snail at this tedious task.

7. I think I have an ADD Syndrome. But I don't know, I always forget to ask Doc.

8. I luuuv my big and joyous family!

9. "Better-Than-Thou" attitude just totally disgusts me.

10. I love debates. So, don't start one on me now, alright? (Or, so help me God. Hee! Hee!)

11. I once scolded an officer for unfairly pulling me over out of a pack of speeders, and for taking his time to write me a darn ticket. To my amazement, he let me go with a warning ticket. Can you believe that? I couldn't!

12. When I was a kid, I really thought I could count all the stars in the sky. So, I set out to do just that... Seven million and thirty six... Seven million and thirty seven...

13. Don't wanna freak you out but I'm not scared of spiders. My brother and I used to play with them when we were kids.

14. I never get star-struck (so far, at least, I haven't).

15. I love hanging out with little children and older folks.

16. I am THE most forgetful person I have ever met! I swear, if all the parts of my body were attachable, I would be no more by now!

17. To be a Great Philosopher is embarrassingly my greatest dream, ever.

18. I came up with a very silly joke for all the husbands. And that is for them to bring home the pig and not just the bacon. Personally, I wouldn't mind keeping myself busy kneading that extra "dough."

19. When I first took a crack at water-skiing, I'd say, I did alright. Nope, I didn't get the skiing part down but I definitely learned (and I mean, in no time) how to minimize water intake for survival's sake. Thanks again, Barry! Poor you. No success with us, girls.

20. I collect pens and stationeries. I already got a boxful of pens that I've collected over the years. (Special Notice: Donations will be greatly appreciated should the urge to help expand my collection hits you full force. Hee! Hee!)

21. I love books, flowers, sissy coffee and mocha drinks, almost equally.

22. I have always hated the feeling of being queasy or nauseous.

23. I cannot handle being tickled. As a matter of fact, my husband has made it his single weapon against me. All he has to say is, "I'm gonna take out the claws" and I behave like a good girl. "Yes, sir!"

24. I used to join singing competitions when I was growing up in the Philippines and won a few trophies, medals, plaques, and banners here and there.

25. I love watching the Miss Universe Pageant and the Olympics!

26. I was 27 when I first tried roller-skating. But that number is nothing compared to the number of bruises I got that day. Not to mention, broken bones. Ha! Ha! Ha!

27. I have a hunch that the calculator was invented for me.

28. I luuuv playing in the rain! My boys totally dig this madness, too. Poor neighbors, I think my boys and I gave them the shock of their lives when they saw us "float" on our backs, right there on the sidewalk, one-heavy-downpour afternoon.

29. I can proudly say, I can keep a secret. Promise!

30. I love climbing trees. In my elementary days, I used to eat my lunch up on a tree. Let me tell ya, whenever I'm around, the squirrels and monkeys definitely have a competition!

31. I love eating nuts. That's why I hang out with them, too. (Joke.)

32. I dress for comfort and personal style. Although, I admit (and embarrassingly), I am not always properly attired. Keyword... minis!

33. My tag says MADNES. It, sort of, sums me up in one word.

34. I hardly ever go to the malls. Just thinking about them makes me feel exhausted already. What a drag, that place.

35. I have Objective Vertigo and it totally sucks, ya'll.

36. I love my in-laws. They're hilariously funny, witty, and the most loving in-laws, ever!

37. I read A LOT, however, I am not a wide reader.

38. Despite the advancement in communication, I still hand-write letters to family and friends.

39. I have a 13-year-old pen pal named Jenny. Hello, girlie!

40. I am not superstitious. But I do believe in "karma."

41. There's an unsolved mystery about me as a child (I was only 2 years old when it happened) that has kept my family wondering to this day.

42. I was born in the tiniest village called Lucac, in the middle of a jungle, in San Francisco, Agusan del Sur, Philippines.

43. There's ONLY ONE THING a person can truly IMPRESS ME with... a GENUINELY KIND HEART.

44. I grew up in total poverty. However, life has been much improved since then. I am now poor. And a proud one at that!  :P

45. I am horrible when it comes to remembering names or faces. There are days when I wake up and ask the man sleeping next to me, "Hey good looking, who the heck are you?"

46. I would make a terrible teacher for I have no patience for it, at all, whatsoever!

47. When  it comes to jewelry, I like gold (or even white gold) better than silver.

48. I work like there's no tomorrow, and party like there's no yesterday.

49. If I could be an animal, I'd be a free bird. But definitely not a chicken or a turkey, though. I don't think I'd enjoy it very much being served on a menu, would you?

50. If I could make any wish to change the way I look, I would wish for a thicker eyebrows and nothing else.

51. I'm the panicky-type in times of trouble and danger (yes, I would make a very bad candidate for any ER position).

52. My lovely 2-year-old niece, Alexandra, calls me "Kako" for "Tita Ko." For those who don't understand Tagalog, "Tita Ko" simply means "My Aunt."

53. I love meeting people from all over the world!

54. I think it's extremely rude when people try to shove their religion, personal beliefs, and strong opinions down other people's throats.

55. I am very content with my life. "now If only I could travel all over the world..." ((sighs))

56. The longest personal letter I've ever written is a 12-page Thank-You letter for one of the kindest couples I have ever met in my entire life.

57. I am the queen of afterthoughts (Yeah, I really think so).

58. Polo is my favorite sport even though I only get to see it on tv.

59. One afternoon when I was in 5th grade, I bravely dared a grown-up-sized bully to "put 'em up" for me.

60. Politics, for me, is close to becoming a total joke and the politicians in it are nothing but just a bunch of dirty jokers.

61. I would definitely buy a memory card for my brain if there was one available.

62. I love beautiful paintings. I so admire people who can draw or paint the beauty, or even the ugliness of anything, WONDERFULLY.

63. I probably have the most embarrassing moments one can ever manage to land herself in, in one lifetime.

64. As much as I like cooking for the family, grocery shopping is my least favorite thing to do. Thank goodness I have a husband and kids who happily do this activity with or without me.

65. I am into cocktails, champagnes, and sweet wines.

66. I have 3 girlie cats at home named Tuxie, Black Mamba (she's a manx), and Snoopie.

67. My FAMILY is the HEART of my HEART.

68. When playing any game of sports, I am scarily competitive. I just like proving myself a worthy opponent, is all.

69. I have got the funniest experience from my first skiing adventure. I skidded down the hill, with my knees on my cheeks, facing the opposite direction, going 25 miles an hour.

70. I am not easily angered. Darn it!!!!!

71. I think it's downright mean and inappropriate to say that men are dogs and women are cows. Who are we kidding? We're all PIGS! (PERSON IN GOOD SHAPE) Ya like?

72. There's not a day that I don't miss my family in the Philippines. :(

73. My favorite word is yacht. Don't ask me why coz I have no idea.

74. I cannot multi-task. The closest thing to multi-tasking that I can do, and with complete competence, is; bathe, read a book, and drink coffee, simultaneously.

75. I occasionally enjoy foreign films.

76. Just like the weather, my attitude can be unpredictable, at times.

77. As "Kuya" Shem perfectly put it for me some weeks ago, my husband (Carl) and I have that "meeting of the minds."

78. My niece, Lovely (yes, that's her real name), has the loveliest voice, ever!

79. I love doing the dishes and the laundry. I guess you could say, I love doing anything dirty. (Burps!)

80. I have never believed in making a New Year's Resolution. Why set myself up for a future failure, right? But this year, I finally decided to join the league and made my first and only NYR; no more drinking Coke for me. And so far, so good!

81. After winning the singing contest at Tarlac National High chool, I got invited to a coronation ceremony as one of the "special guest performers" (kuno), with my name listed right next to a couple of Filipino celebrities (asus) - Ogie Alcasid and Mikee Cojuangco. Yes, they were there and unfortunately for them, I was there, too (as in pasaway lang). Mikee was then the leader of Tarlac's Youth Council.

82. My husband's bestfriend in MO, who's a lawyer, calls me "babydoll." Our lawyer in town calls me the same thing. Don't lawyers share a common mind or what?

83. When feeling down or depressed, I get up and clean my house.

84. But when I'm extremely vexed, I shop 'til my temper drops.

85. I save all our receipts. Yes, I'm a receipt junkie.

86. I am the strict parent in our household.

87. One of the strangest things that I UNCONSCIOUSLY do like a regulart habit is look at the clock at exactly 11:11 (AM or PM). This has been going on for years and I have wondered forever if it signifies anything.

88. My silliest fear is to unknowingly use a clogged toilet bowl.

89. The 33-year-old daughter of Pat Upton, who wrote and sang the oldie "Love You More Today than Yesterday," is an aquaintance of mine.

90. I am strongly averse to gossip.

91. Some of my good friends' children call me "Mama Josie."

92. I am not a big fan of the dark. As a child I used to be so darn scared of it.

93. I don't know about you, peeps, but I can actually feel the "spirit" of Christmas.

94. I don't like hypocrites and mean people.

95. If I ever decide to take on a very difficult challenge one day, I would definitely write a book about my personal take on religion.

96. I once raced an officer who eagerly accepted my challenge. Of course, I had to let him win. Poor Lotlot, she was with me that day.

97. The cheesiest thing that ever happened to me was being interviewed live, on the air, like a real-life artist (eeks) along with 3 other guys in my group at the ONLY FM station in one of the smallest towns here in Alabama.

98. I am a food connoisseur at heart.

99. I like people who are refreshingly friendly, (just like me hahaha).

100. I'm not a smoker. That is, if one cigarette per year doesn't count.

101. I am not into gadgets. I'd rather read a book or do some gardening than fool with those darn things. Am I boring or what!

102. One of my goals this year is to found a Volleyball League, for all the athletic women from different Fil-Am groups, here, in Alabama.

It's Baaack!

It's day one of 2008 so I thought I'd write a little something to start off the new year with, maybe not-so-big, a bang! I am officially back in the blogging business (so, it's baaack) and this time, I don't plan on filing for bankruptcy, anymore, like I did last year (he! he! that is, if I can help it).

Friendsters, I am absolutely famished! You see, I haven't eaten anything since last year. Ha! Ha! Ha! Alright, so, I pigged out New Year's Eve, which is technically last year, if you really think about it. In simpler terms, I could just say last night or yesterday. But hey, where's the fun in that? Today is absolutely the best day to exploit the phrase "last year" and draw out (from different folks) the kind of reaction you would on April Fools Day.

Just try it, you'll see. Start with your spouses, siblings, parents, or friends. Tell them how odd, strange or weird (or however else you want to say it) that the last time you saw (chatted, talked, or whatever else you did with them yesterday) them was last year. And then add (to further your scheme), "but it seems like yesterday, don't you think?" I'm pretty sure, you will, at least, put a smile on their faces. And that, of course, is the ultimate goal of all this nonsense. Happy New Year, peeps!

Pancakes (aka Hotcakes) Pan Kes

Last Saturday morning, my good friend, Silvia, sent her daughter, Alma (10), over to my house.

“Miss Joselyn, my mom asked if she could borrow some powdered sugar from you,” she sweetly asked.

“Well of course, girlie. What is she making you for breakfast this morning?” I brightly inquired, as I struggled reaching for the medium sized canister, sitting directly above my head, inside our semi-organized pantry, without the assistance of my 3-step ladder.

“She’s going to make me some pancakes (also famously known as hotcakes in the Philippines),” she quickly countered, smiling.

“Cool!” I responded somewhat vaguely while handing her the whole container, as my thought swiftly took me someplace in my brain wherein I visualized prettylicious powdered-sugar-coated pancakes heading directly into my taster.

“Uhm, that’s not bad at all,” I thought to myself as if I had just actually taken a bite of that imaginary pancake covered in all the whiteness and sweetness of powdered sugar, just like those New Orleans' sweet Beignets. Yum!

An hour later, Alma came back to hang out (like she usually does on a regular basis), this time wearing a big upside-down smile on her small face.

“Why are we frowning?” I gently asked her.

“Nothing,” she muttered with now an all-out downcast expression.

Having known Alma’s infamous temper-tantrums (believe it or not, her tantrums half motivated me to learn Spanish quickly), and her rarely-failing tendency to over-dramatize things or situations (trust me, I've known this child since she was four), I opted to avoid unintentional magnification of an unknown cause of distress so I asked her instead, as if nothing was amiss, “How did the pancakes taste with powdered sugar on them?”

“I don't know, she couldn’t make them,” she answered in a tune that told me she just ended the conversation she didn’t want to be part of, in the first place.

So, being the cool and intelligent adult that I am, yeap (winks), I took her too-darn-obvious hint. I literally shut my mouth, and mentally walked out of our what-could-have-been-nice chitchat, without a trace of displeasure. Although (just between you and me) inwardly I said, with a bit of attitude (naturally, as I am just human), "Well, excuse me, then!"

Came Monday morning, Silvia and I were sitting at IHOP (International House of Pancakes) restaurant, jokingly known at home as IHOPE (International House of Pancakes & Eggs, compliment of my husband), for our weekly breakfast rendezvous, when she started recounting the episode at her house Saturday AM.

“Joselyn, sabes lo que paso el Sabado?" (Joselyn, do you know what happened Saturday?)

“No, pero que paso el Sabado, Silvia?” (No, but what happened Saturday, Silvia?)

“No pude hacer pan kes con la harina que me distes!” (I couldn’t make pancakes with that flour you gave me!)

Goodness gracious! I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically (a helpless instant reaction to this side-splitting piece of information, I swear) as I apologetically explained to her at the same time, "Porque le di asucar de polvo, Silvia, no harina." (Because I gave you powdered sugar, Silvia, not flour).

She, too, started laughing hard as she exclaimed, "Ay, por eso!" (Oh! So, that's why!) And we laughed some more and just let it all out. I didn't think I could laugh any harder until Silvia added that the reason why Alma got real upset was because she (Alma) did not think I (me, of course) use milk, like Silvia was doing that morning, to make pancakes with that particular flour. In Alma's eyes, her mom wasn't doing the whole "pancake-making business" right, so that's why she was pissed!

How hilarious! Oh, what a scene in the kitchen that must have been!  Gosh, that pulverized form of sugar I gave her was not even close to being flour, except perhaps for its look and texture. And I promise, I did not misunderstand any of Alma's words as she was speaking to me in plain English.

In fact, when Alma got home from school later that afternoon, we made it a point to ask her for the specific word her mom used for supposedly, "powdered sugar." And, she clearly stressed the word out, "harina" which can only mean "flour" in basic English. Silvia and I now both agree that Alma is seriously losing grip of their native tongue, little by little.

Laugh Time

Inside a mother's womb, a pair of tiny twin brothers was overheard having a conversation...

Twin Brother 1: Darn, I can't stand this darkness! When I grow up, I'm gonna be an electrician to take care of this problem.

Twin Brother 2: Well, ain't that smart of you. Me, when I grow up I'm gonna be a boxer...

Twin Brother 1: .... a boxer? Why is that?

Twin Brother 2: Well, so I can take care of that annoying bald-headed dude who keeps coming in and out of that hole from up there!

Adam & Eve Did What?

I don't know about you, but aren't you just a tad suspicious about the Bible's story of Adam and Eve? Well, brace your faithful self because I am, I officially declare. I love the Bible and all but I have this niggling feeling that the story of Adam and Eve has more to it than just "biting-into-a-mouth-watering-piece-of-apple," for which, in my opinion, God punished them quite so harshly by disowning them, then banishing them pronto from the garden of Eden, and consigning them to a life of pure unpleasantness and difficulties.

As a young child hearing this story for the first time, I had a few lingering questions that my Bible Story Tellers unfortunately just could not rationalize for me. Like for instance, why God made such a delicious fruit and then forbid Adam and Eve to eat it. To me, there's something awfully wrong with that picture. It seemed rather sadistically inspired or mean-spirited especially for a story meant to convey a message of God's love, and holiness. Simply put; how could you, as a loving parent, not give your child a piece of that melt-in-your-mouth cake you have just baked without honestly feeling like one of the fallen angels afterwards?

And another thought, why did God have to make the darn thing edible anyway? To give the story a facetious side to it, God could just have told them straight up, "Okay children, this fruit tree right here is poisonous and to eat it means death, therefore stay away from it unless of course you two are in a highly suicidal mood now that you've inhabited this new world for a day or two already." Now who, in their right mind, would have ignored such an order? Not even kids, that's for sure.

Well, a faction of silly questions came about out of the blue, after a kind lady offered me a slice of apple to try in which I hesitated to take for fear of upsetting God if I accepted the so-called "forbidden" fruit. I remember thinking to myself, "Is it spiritually safe for me to eat the apple? or should I also expect God's wrath upon me after thoroughly enjoying the bite." I had no crazy clue but I ate my very first apple anyway and with gusto, mind you. Thankfully, now that I have personal access to a Bible, I'm 99.9% sure that there's nothing on there that says I can or cannot eat the darn fruit. Phew!

Additionally, did you ever wonder why Adam and Eve suddenly became consciously aware of their nakedness when only moments before that they were obviously oblivious to each other's nude forms? I did. I also thought it was odd how God, during His lamentation, told them that they now have to live as husband and wife; to labor for food, and to bear children... All that over a piece of fruit, did you say? Don't blame the innocent way my brain used to operate because I seriously half expected God to exclaim "That's it you two, you're on water diet for 12 months," or something of that nature because, at that time, that would have made a lot more sense to my young and philosophically-inclined mind. I also thought separating the two for, oh I'd say, several agonizing months could have done the trick as well. After all, they were being very naughty together, weren't they? So, yes, that would have been a more suitable punishment too.

In any case, now that I'm a little older, and much wiser(achoo), and several notches more analytical for my own good(ta da)..., and now that I've lived and experience a life filled with varying pursuits and desires(ugh), I decided to take a lovely stroll down on memory lane to revisit and reexamine those old unresolved thoughts in my head (sorry to disappoint you but not talking about an old flame here). Sure, it's understandable that God was angered after being disobeyed despite the fair warning He had given them but I don't really think that was the main source of His full-blown fury, at all. As a matter of fact, I can't help but compare His reaction to that of a disgruntled sets of parents who have just learned for the first time that their unmarried teenage children have just irresponsibly done the unthinkable, with a capital U, and got themselves completely compromised by getting positively pregnant. (Do you have a slight idea of where my train of thought is heading yet?)

So, to make my already long story short (what a breather uhuh), I think that Adam and Eve had done more than just consume an ordinary, yet very consequential piece of, that's right, APPLE. I firmly believe something very significant and intimate had  transpired between the two, too vulgar a scene that it warranted an instantaneous censorship, hence no mention of it anywhere in the Holy Bible. If, for all intents and purposes, the fruit was indeed THE "fruit of knowledge" it was purported to be then, suffice it to say, Adam and Eve undoubtedly and ultimately discovered there was something so much more exciting and a whole world better than the sweet appetizing taste of the fruit itself. Something they saw and felt at once, the moment they realized just how fine-looking and painfully enticing their uncovered bodies now appear through their newly adulterated eyes and senses. Something very intoxicating and unjustifiably tempting that it was totally beyond their untested self restraint... Something at least a little worthy of an exile... Something magical and totally wicked!

What a crazy conjecture, you might say. I know! Half as crazy as my current need to dig up some archaeological bones of people who co-wrote the bible, and confer with them what I think Adam and Eve had done on that fateful day in "paradise." Fortunately for me and for their well-rested souls, I am not that crazy yet. "I may be crazy but I ain't that kinda crazy," as Mike Tyson used to say on tv. LOL.

9-11 Remembered

Exactly 5 years ago, USA suffered the biggest and the most unfathomable terrorist attacks in its history leaving millions of people in complete shock, and forever changing the lives of thousands others. The whole country was in mourning over the deep loss of so many lives, men and women crying ubiquitously as they tried to console one another, and the innocence of children threatened as their young minds absorbed this heart-wrenching piece of information.

I will never be able to forget that day. It was the first time I ever witnessed humanity in action and the day I realized even more how much I love this country and what it stands for. The endless outpours of help, in every kind, from people all over the country was enormous and really caught me by surprise. Brave men and women in uniform risked their own lives in trying to save the trapped victims at the Twin Towers. People from all walks of life rushed to the scene offering time and sweat, doing whatever had to be done, to help. Competent medical teams shined. The politicians from all parties united putting aside their differences and political disagreements as they gave encouragement and support to their fellowmen. And religious groups and spiritual leaders led massive prayers not just for the victims or their families but for everybody who were directly involved in the 9-11 rescue efforts.

My very sad heart goes out to the departed ones, their friends and families who are still reeling from the painful memory of the tragic incident, and the survivors, who have bravely faced life after going through such an ugly and traumatic ordeal. There is no way I would be able to understand or comprehend what they've all been through but I hope and pray that someday they can finally let go of the unwanted pain in their hearts as what their deceased loved ones, most certainly, would have wanted them to do. Let go.

Dear Husband,

        Belated Happy Anniversary Honey! I hope you don't mind the unorthodox way of sending you my thoughts this time. Like you, I wanted to be more creative with my anniversary letter for you this year. No actually, you boldly suggested it to me (ahem) which was kind of cute and funny (uhuh). That's just so you I, tell you. Anyway, an idea came to me (though belatedly obviously) in the form of a question. How about deliver it to you via www? Yeah, why not. Ooooops! Hold it right there boss! Just in case and so you know, E-Mail was never considered a medium for this particular plan of action so, of course, it would be unfair and quite ill-advised if you question my taste, as well as my sense of creativity. So don't be a bad boy!

        Now, where was I? Oh yeah, thank you again for such a wonderful and heart-melting anniversary letter. If you must know, I so loved it! You've, once again, outdone yourself. It's really quite remarkable how you can reinvent an existing concept, and simply take it to the next level. You're totally gifted in that department, but of course you already know that. Your creativity is a wonderment that never ceases to amaze me. What an amazing creature you are. And you don't even have two heads! Blegh! :P

        So we've been married for seven long years now, haven't we? I just can't believe that crap, can you? Wow. And for the life of me, I don't even remember telling you "Yes, I will marry you."  Isn't that supposed to be the prerequisite of "I do?"  What ever happened to that part mistah? Waittasec an' lemme phink... Oh sheeet I've been tricked!!! (This is where I should see you all befuddled and exasperated,amusingly though I prefer, that is if you're able to summon both feelings at the same time).

        All goofying aside, I wanna thank you for tricking me into marriage (please pause and listen to my fits of laughter and feel free to join me if you can't help it either). I couldn't have chosen a better man(with all that endless supply of good looks to boot), to allow such trickery (you'd have noticed a devilish grin on my face if you were watching me right now). Oh la la, weren't I that fortunate to be conveniently around when those matrimonial thoughts started plaguing your sexy mind (this is where I'd give your tight bunns a good-ol' squeeze as I settle myself playfully on your comfortable lap). A fetching picture. My oh my. That does it. All this blabbering has given me a sudden temperature. I'm feeling unbelievably "muy caliente!" Give me a moment, por favor. I think I just heard the shower curtains calling my name. Care to join moi? (((winks mischievously))) Okay. Okay. I'll stop. I'm such a playah I know!

         Alright, it's time to get right down to business and get downright durrty. I LOVE YOU HONEY. I love every delicious inch of you, from head to toe (or toenails, it doesn't matter as long as they're clean depending, of course, which ones are longer, the toes or the toenails). You're truly the man of all my daytime and nighttime dreams, ONLY; (pause for a suspenseful effect) Sexier, Smarter, Funnier, and Exceedingly (sigh) Handsome! You're my classmate (nah) my checkmate (grrr) I mean, my soulmate (yae dats it). You're the reigning provider of all my wants and needs. You're the scratcher of my back, the maker of my coffee, the preparer of my bath, and the list goes on and on and on. I mean really, the only thing I can think of that you haven't done for me, so far, is sing me a lullabye, into sleep. (Well, well, well. Doesn't that exactly sound like a marriage of convenience to you?) *winks*

        Seriously love, you are truly God's gift to me and I believe that with all my heart. I can never thank God enough for giving me--->YOU. You're the answer to my favorite childhood prayer. As silly as it sounds, it's the sad and embarrassing truth. I prayed daily for God to give me a good husband someday, who would respect me, and treat me right, and give me unconditonal love. The funny thing though was, and although it had always been in the back of my mind, I never asked God for a good looking husband because I was soo afraid I'd get on His bad side and was mortified at the idea of a rejected prayer. So, everyday I would pray fervently for the same thing over and over. But God has a terrific sense of humor after all. How else did I end up having you in my life? Not only you're wonderful, you also happen to be very pleasing to my naked eyes.

        Honey, I'm so happy and content with you that my own lovelife story feels like one of those happily-ever-after-ending fairy tales, plucked right out of a romance book. Only mine has a slight twist to it... I'm the frog and you're the prince, and I still end up resembling an ugly toad (ooops, scratch that and replace it with " a lovely toad" please) right after we kiss (ahahaha). But you love me anyway, and I don't know what else to say except...

                        I LOVE ME TOO. OH WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.                              

                                                    THE END.

My Most Embarassing Business Phone Call

A few embarrassing years ago, in his unrelenting attempt to turn me into a bona fide businesswoman, my husband, Carl, finally succeeded in coaxing me to help generate business for our young marketing firm. So one perfectly fine afternoon, I boldly announced to him that I was ready to make my very first sales call. Feeling pleased and proud, he took out his list of all potential clients and handed it to me. For my first call, Carl picked a previous client, a gym owner, who he had already introduced me to, a couple of months prior. A little nervous but confident enough, this is how my brief conversation with Roger(not his real name) went...

Ring...Ring...Ring... "Thank you for calling(can't say the business name here), this is Roger, how may I help you?"

Joselyn: Hi Roger this is Joselyn, Carl's wife... Remember me?

Roger: Of course, Joselyn. How have you been?

Joselyn: Busy but doing well, thank you. Listen, I was wondering if I could meet with you maybe Wednesday or Thursday this week, that is if you want to run your ad again with us this month.

Roger: Sure why not. Just come by any day this week and we'll go over what changes I want on my flier this time.

Joselyn: (Momentarily at a loss for words from the initial shock of making my first sale, and over the phone at that, I managed to...) Umm, okay, I'll definitely do that. Anyway, um, thank you so much for your time. I know you're, um, busy so I guess I'll let you go. I'll see you, um, sometime this week then, right?

Roger: Right. Well, see you later Joselyn and you have a great afternoon, okay?

Joselyn:(Still somewhat dazed...) Oh I will, thank you, and you do the same Roger. I LOVE YOU!

C L I C K ! ! !

Who hung up on who, I'll never know... For the briefest moment, there was only a deafening sound of silence. As I struggled to regain my composure, I glanced up and saw my husband's face turned the color of ketchup. Not from anger, of course, but from sheer mortification. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Viewing Profiles Anonymously...

         Last month, the total number of people who sifted through my profile was 117. But only a handful turned up on my "Who's Viewed Me" list. I was somewhat puzzled by this, because I knew exactly who my future secret viewers would be. This I knew because it was Yours Truly who initiated this viewing rampage. Are people really that shy? In some way, and you might agree with me on this, I found it illogical to consider that anyone who secretly viewed my profile just happened to belong to the club of extreme bashfulness.

         In fairness to my anonymous viewers, I feel that some who chose to view my profile behind the scene may have had some well-meaning ulterior motives. The idea of getting caught snooping around isn't appealing for many of us. Then of course, there's also that pesky trepidation of being cast out like an uninvited guest. Above all, no self-respecting individual desires to be considered an intruder, ever. In view of those concessions, I respect one's discretionary choice to be anonymous. However, I am not that credulous as to believe that many individuals, in reality, can share the same preposterous reasons for obscuring their identity. It's just downright peculiar and a bit too hypocritical to consider, don't you think?

         As for me, I prefer to view profiles openly. Call me candid but I just don't see any point in hiding behind the shield of anonymity. Who knows, it might even brighten someone's day. How about you?

Five more???

         Well, I just learned a few minutes ago that there will be 20 finalists in this year’s MU semifinal round, instead of the regular top 15. I’m not sure how credible this source is but just in case, I thought I’d scurry and add 5 more unsuspecting ladies to my list. 

Ms. Brazil-Rafeala Zanella -> Two words. Stage presence. And she has plenty of that.

Ms. Switzerland–Lauriane Gillieron -> I just luuuuuuuuv the way she walked that gown around (during the presentation night), all confident and sexy. 

Ms. Denmark–Betina Faurbye -> This girl reminds me of a beautiful nymph. I like her a lot but her unassertiveness irks me. In my opinion, she is so much better than most of the overrated contestants who are pretentiously charming but aren’t really worth anything intellectually.

Ms. Peru-Fiorella Vinas -> Do I need another pretty Latina on my list? Yes!

Ms. Domincan Republic-Mia Taveras -> I have a feeling she'll make the cut.

And the 2006 Miss Universe Is... (here's a challenge 4u)

         The Miss Universe pageant is fast approaching (Sunday-July 23, '06) and I find myself impatiently waiting for this splendid night to finally arrive. I don't mind telling you outright that I am a beauty-and-brain pageant enthusiast, and that this forthcoming coronation night is absolutely a big deal for me. So if you indulge me...

         It's comforting to me that there exists one arena in the world of competition where I feel confident enough to give my own humble critical assessment (or is it more like prediction ahaha) and be right on target (acheche). Case in point; last year, I singled out Canada's delegate well before the pageant was even televised. I must extend my gratitude to the organization for providing an official website for me to do my homework. My husband and several of my friends cheered on for Ms. Mexico, while I steadfastly stood behind Ms. Canada throughout the competition (FYI, Ms. Mexico was my 2nd favorite, followed by Ms. Philippines, winner of the Ms. Photogenic award). As the show neared its conclusion, I knew undoubtedly that Ms. Canada was going to win the Mikimoto crown the moment Ms. Mexico was proclaimed the 2nd runner up. It was climatically amazing! Needless to say, I felt satisfied with the judges' excellent choice, the beautiful and sophisticated, Natalie Glebova, the reigning Ms. Universe.

         Unfortunately for Natalie, it's time for her to give way and let somebody else enjoy the prestigious title of MU. But the question is who would eventfully take her place this year? If you want to participate in this challenge please go to www.missuniverse.com and check out the 2006 beauties from around the globe. Scrutinize them as they pose in their swimsuit and evening gown. Also, find out how they fared as they tackle the preliminary interview. Then, pick out your own pets, and let's compare notes. At this point of the pageant, of course (which is only less than a week away), I've already chosen 15 darlings out of the 86 lovely delegates. And, in random order, my personal choices are as follows: 

*Ms. Australia-Erin McNaught ->She reminds me of her fellow Aussie, beautiful and witty, Jennifer Hawkins the 2004 MU. Though in the flesh, she is not as sexy. I loved her interview. 

*Ms. Sri Lanka-Jacquline Fernandez ->I really like this girl (right up there with Ms. Colombia). A fresh looking face, pretty smile, eloquent, and so self-assured. She has an aura about her I can't quite explain. But the most attractive thing about her is her remarkably strong intellect. I really enjoyed her interview, though I would have liked to hear her talk in a more natural manner. I wish for her to be the 1st Sri Lankan winner of the crown.

*Ms. Mexico-Priscila Perales -> With perfect features and sophistication, she is way up there, outshining her peers effortlessly. In short, she has the X-Faxtor. My only concern is the apparent resemblance between her and the current MU. Will the judges extend Natalie's reign through Priscila? I guess we'll find out soon.

*Ms. USA-Tara Conner ->Think about it, when was the last time USA didn't make the top 10? Frankly, it took me a while to warm up to her. But as I reflected on it, it was clearly because I mistakenly took her humbleness and simplicity for meekness. I totally misjudged this poor thing. She is definitely beautiful inside-out. The only trouble is she is height disadvantaged at only 5'5" tall. But who cares? Go USA!!!

*Ms. Colombia-Valerie Dominguez ->She is my top favorite (alongside Ms. Sri Lanka of course). Pretty, smart, and sexy, I hope she does exceptionally well. How about the new MU? She may not be the prettiest among the contestants but she definitely has the total package.

*Ms. Philippines-Lia Andrea Ramos ->Pretty, smart, and animated, could she be the 3rd title holder from the Philippines? A self-proclaimed Francophile, I hope this doesn't ruin her chances of winning... You know how politically unfair individuals get out there sometimes.

*Ms. Venezuela-Jictzad Vina ->I would give her a spot in the top 15 for her strong background. Not that I consider her unworthy of the position. Hers was the only interview that actually stirred something deep inside me.

*Ms. Canada-Alice Panikian ->With her towering height and a pretty face, she definitely stands out. But she seems to lack the most important factor, substance.

*Ms. Thailand-Charm Onwarin Osathanond ->She is absolutely cute! Her command of the English language is truly impeccable. And her perfectly shaped body (slim and no traces of poking ribs thank you) is almost unreal.

*Ms. Spain-Elisabeth Reyes ->Her face is uniquely beautiful. Her expressive eyes and pouting lips are her best features. Though much to my dismay, her interview wasn't that awe-inspiring (considering the fact that she was speaking in her own language).

*Ms. Cayman Islands-Ambuyah Ebanks ->tall, dark, and pretty (with brain of course)

*Ms. Bolivia-Desiree Duran ->This girl got spunk.

*Ms. Japan-Kurara Chibana ->I love her sense of style. Her infectious smile is definitely her best asset. She supposedly speaks 4 languages fluently (English included). But I have to say, I could not help but wince in some part of her interview.

*Ms. Puerto Rico-Zuleyka Rivera -> She is a talking barbie doll. Watching her interview, I remember exclaiming(with a contorted face) a few "what,"  but you know, she is a barbie doll. What more can I say?

*Ms. Indonesia-Nadine Chandrawinata ->Her interview was something else. Unforgettable (like Ms. Switzerland's). She would have been better off resorting to her native tongue, like the other contestants did. Nevertheless, her angelic face and kind spirit just made me feel something special for her.

                                                   SPECIAL AWARDS:

                          Some of the girls below also serve as my alternatives

Best in National Costume: Ms. Japan, Ms. USA, or Ms. Sri Lanka

Ms. Photogenic: Ms. Indonesia, Ms. Brazil, or Ms. Spain

Best in Evening Gown:  Ms. Colombia, Ms. Thailand, or Ms. Sri Lanka

Best in Swimsuit: Ms. Colombia, Ms. Thailand, or Ms. Brazil

Ms. Congeniality: Ms. Thailand, Ms. Denmark, Ms. USA, or Ms. Switzerland

Clairol Style Award: Ms. Argentina, Ms. Norway, or Ms. USA

Note to the readers: Please don't take it personally if your country's representative did not make it on my list. As I've already mentioned, they are but my mere personal choices. Thanx!

Dear Diary,

             There he was, a total stranger who was watching me intently as if afraid I’d disappear completely if he dared blink his eyes. Just standing there, so dashing and sexy, daring to clothe me with those oh-so-nerve-wracking stares that made me feel totally naked. Through smoldering eyes, we engaged in a speechless conversation, drinking in the sight of each other.

              The frightening presence of broiling physical attraction between us was shamefully undeniable. My thoughts went up in flames, as his steady gaze uploaded tormenting erotic images, of just me and him, in my head. I realized then I was his for the taking if he so desired. I was irrevocably undone. No question about it.

             After what seemed like an eternity of evocative sexual advances, I could hardly breathe as I noticed him purposely taking lazy steps in my direction, wearing such a devastating smile that liquefied me within. I never thought it possible but his nearness wiped out every single sane thought from my head as he asked me in a sexy, husky voice, 

“May I have the honor of this dance?”

“No” was the only word my poor, nervous lips could verbalize.

And just like that, he was gone. Oh what a night… Damn.

From the Diaries of Joselyn, July 1993.